As the summer transfer hysteria heats up to the usual frenzied bubble, I thought it be useful to keep things in perspective by keeping a list of the wide range of players that have been named by THE NOTORIOUS ITKs. I suppose we are guilty of some "selective hearing" though, reporting and believing the rumours that we like the most, regardless of their factual merits. Anyway, here's the list I've compiled so far.
Carlos Tevez
Gareth Barry
Scott Brown
Joe Hart
Mikel Arteta
Glen Johnson
Sylvain Distin
Stuart Downing (sigh)
Michel Bastos
Sulley Muntari
Adam Johnson
Ryan Babel
Tuncay Sanli
Djibril Cisse
Kenwyne Jones
Roque Santa Cruz
Goran Pandev
Dario Srna
Aiden McGeady
Roque Santa Cruz
Ashley Young
Luca Toni
Paul Robinson (!)
Lisandro Lopez
Aly Cissokho
Per Ciljan Skjelbred
Sebastian Bassong
Rutgerus Johannes Martinus "Ruud" van Nistelrooij
Klaas Jan Huntelaar
Moussa Dembele
Just for kicks, Joe Lewis should just step in and buy all of them to see what would happen to the global football economy.
Monday, 15 June 2009
Wednesday, 3 June 2009
It's the most wonderful time of the year
Season over. Cue delusional optimism: next year's the year! Tottenham Top Four! Ronaldinho to Spurs!
(remember that? I worry that one day, years from now, when I'm talking about my White Hart Lane memories to my children, the Ronaldinho rumor won't seem as ridiculous as it did at the time. Either his reputation will fade into Rivaldo-esque territory and he'll find himself playing in Qatar on 200k a week as an exhibitionist, or (less likely) Tottenham will actually be making waves in the Champions League, and attracting players of such a caliber. Either way the punchline of my story about how a lowly, delusional North London club once attempted to sign THE BEST PLAYER IN THE WORLD won't garner the sniggers that i'd like it to, thereby denying me the label of great storyteller.)
Horribly sidetracked. This was meant to be about how much I hate the summer. I think this is a somewhat tired discussion. Every blog you read these days complains about how outrageous some of the transfer rumours are. Who perpetuates this filth? The tabloids? The notorious ITKs? (sounds a bit like a separatist terrorist organization, no?) Doesn't matter really. Because the people who complain about it (like I do) and write posts deploring modern football for its extravagant spending and rumourwhoring will continue to click on the newsnow (ha!) links purporting to disclose the next SPANISH ACE HEADED TO THE LANE!!!!!! I do, you do, hoodoo. The only thing as predictable as a summer filled with anonymous ITKs spewing bullshit all over the web is the reactionary bloggers complaining about them. We've all been hurt at one time or another by a false rumour (mine was Kim Kallstrom, remember that? let's cry together...). Let's get over ourselves and admit that it's scandalous, but we need something to read on the internet after we have finished analyzing the prospects for peace in the middle east.
My complaint this summer is the sheer lack of quality or originality in the alleged links. Are we really still looking at Stuart Downing? really. really? Come on, that's just lazy. If you need something to write about Tottenham's transfer prospects, at least make up something interesting. Saying Downing is coming to Tottenham is like saying Lady Gaga is indeed actually a man. We've heard the rumours, we laughed, we wondered, but frankly we just don't care anymore. Let's get some spice in there like last summer. Where is the David Villa, the Bojan Krkic, the Miguel Veloso, the Joe Cole of this summer?
The most popular link seems to be Scott Brown of the BEST SCOTTISH TEAM IN THE WORLD, SOMETIMES, Celtic. This depresses me in a couple ways. First of all, there are no youtube videos of him doing amazing things. I can hear you groaning already:
"ugghh you idiot, The Ghetto Prince looked incredible on youtube, as did that joker Ghaly. youtube videos mean f-all."
Fine. But so did Berbatov, Modric and Palacios.
"Well Scott Brown isn't that kind of player, he's a scrapper, he's got an engine, he's got a shaved head, he looks like a thug, he's mustard."
You just described Jamie O'Hara. Plus, we've already got an engine in Palacios, who was as good as Modric and Lennon for us this season.
Secondly, what we actually need is either a left-winger (not Stu) which will allow Modric to move inside, or Gareth Barry. Can't believe Man City signed him for 12 million. If it comes out that we didn't match that, and Barry wasn't completely against coming to Spurs, I'm going to tear my hair out. A Modric-Barry-Palacios-Lennon midfield would've been nigh unstoppable.
My only comfort is the Independent's list of Arsenal's potential targets is as boring as ours.
Xabi Alonso, please. Pipe dream? Let me dream, damn you.
(remember that? I worry that one day, years from now, when I'm talking about my White Hart Lane memories to my children, the Ronaldinho rumor won't seem as ridiculous as it did at the time. Either his reputation will fade into Rivaldo-esque territory and he'll find himself playing in Qatar on 200k a week as an exhibitionist, or (less likely) Tottenham will actually be making waves in the Champions League, and attracting players of such a caliber. Either way the punchline of my story about how a lowly, delusional North London club once attempted to sign THE BEST PLAYER IN THE WORLD won't garner the sniggers that i'd like it to, thereby denying me the label of great storyteller.)
Horribly sidetracked. This was meant to be about how much I hate the summer. I think this is a somewhat tired discussion. Every blog you read these days complains about how outrageous some of the transfer rumours are. Who perpetuates this filth? The tabloids? The notorious ITKs? (sounds a bit like a separatist terrorist organization, no?) Doesn't matter really. Because the people who complain about it (like I do) and write posts deploring modern football for its extravagant spending and rumourwhoring will continue to click on the newsnow (ha!) links purporting to disclose the next SPANISH ACE HEADED TO THE LANE!!!!!! I do, you do, hoodoo. The only thing as predictable as a summer filled with anonymous ITKs spewing bullshit all over the web is the reactionary bloggers complaining about them. We've all been hurt at one time or another by a false rumour (mine was Kim Kallstrom, remember that? let's cry together...). Let's get over ourselves and admit that it's scandalous, but we need something to read on the internet after we have finished analyzing the prospects for peace in the middle east.
My complaint this summer is the sheer lack of quality or originality in the alleged links. Are we really still looking at Stuart Downing? really. really? Come on, that's just lazy. If you need something to write about Tottenham's transfer prospects, at least make up something interesting. Saying Downing is coming to Tottenham is like saying Lady Gaga is indeed actually a man. We've heard the rumours, we laughed, we wondered, but frankly we just don't care anymore. Let's get some spice in there like last summer. Where is the David Villa, the Bojan Krkic, the Miguel Veloso, the Joe Cole of this summer?
The most popular link seems to be Scott Brown of the BEST SCOTTISH TEAM IN THE WORLD, SOMETIMES, Celtic. This depresses me in a couple ways. First of all, there are no youtube videos of him doing amazing things. I can hear you groaning already:
"ugghh you idiot, The Ghetto Prince looked incredible on youtube, as did that joker Ghaly. youtube videos mean f-all."
Fine. But so did Berbatov, Modric and Palacios.
"Well Scott Brown isn't that kind of player, he's a scrapper, he's got an engine, he's got a shaved head, he looks like a thug, he's mustard."
You just described Jamie O'Hara. Plus, we've already got an engine in Palacios, who was as good as Modric and Lennon for us this season.
Secondly, what we actually need is either a left-winger (not Stu) which will allow Modric to move inside, or Gareth Barry. Can't believe Man City signed him for 12 million. If it comes out that we didn't match that, and Barry wasn't completely against coming to Spurs, I'm going to tear my hair out. A Modric-Barry-Palacios-Lennon midfield would've been nigh unstoppable.
My only comfort is the Independent's list of Arsenal's potential targets is as boring as ours.
Xabi Alonso, please. Pipe dream? Let me dream, damn you.
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